Thursday, October 16, 2008

In the spotlight

Today while trying to shop at the Farmer's Market, my son flipped out. He wanted to pick up, squish, and play with all of the expensive organic food. He's really into container play right now, and all those bins are just giant containers to take out and put in. Again and again. He was probably also tired and a bit overwhelmed by the crowd. My refusal to let him grab tomatoes, combined with his fatigue, was a powerful recipe for disaster. A mistake not to be repeated, for sure. He was hard to control, even in the stroller.

While trying to calm him and pay for our food, I got the bitchiest of looks from another woman, not a hint of compassion in it. She said, 'What's wrong with him?" I said, "He wants to grab all the food out of the bins and I won't let him." She continued her rude look and said, "There's something else wrong," implying with her tone of voice that I was a Bad Mother who did not know what her child needed. (And indeed, often I do not know what he needs, since he is non-verbal and does not even point, say, to his tummy or head to tell me that they hurt.) I blurted out, "He's special." She looked at me, like, "Yeah, right." Then I said, "No. Really. Special." This clearly made no impression. Then again, it was a vague communication. But it was the best I could come up with while paying for food, listening to my screaming child, at the end of a long day, while high on cold medicine.

Next time, I'll try to be prepared with one of Fraxa's nifty cards. I don't know why I should care what a stranger thinks, or feel the need to explain. Quinn and I have gotten curious looks before, but never an outright rude and judgmental one, and I'm surprised and saddened by how much it stung. I guess I'll just have to build up a thicker skin and carry around those cards.

7 comments:

The Other Lion said...

I know the look you mean. I HATE that look. It's deflating. And frustrating because you don't want it to deflate you because obviously the other person is a jerk.

Sarah said...

Yes, exactly! Glad to know it's not just that I'm oversensitive.

FXSmom said...

Now that my fraggles are older I don't even notice the look. I can't even remember the last time I passed out one of my nifty cards. I guess time numbs ya...or bigger issues arise...lol.

Sarah said...

Hi, fxsmom. Good to hear that in time I might not notice the look as much!

specialeffects said...

This has just started happening to me too. My son was happy go lucky until a month a go when all hell broke loose. We were eating out at a "kid friendly" place with a sandpit, and my son out of nowhere grabs a handful of sand and throws it at nearby table with a small baby in a highchair. There table was full of 8 lbs of crawfish and beer. The "red neck" father at the table starts to go off on us....I felt so unprepared. My husband bought his 60 dollar tab, and we promptly left. So guess what....our new "kid friendly" place is the dinning room!

Vicki Davis said...

How frustrating, I don;t know what I would do in that kind of situation, I guess I would say, she has a genetic disorder, but what right do they have to judge me in the first place, and well, people are ignorant, just the other day a guy was screaming at me over a parking space that he stole from me, and he had a little girl in the car with him... What Farmer's market did you go to? I might have just let Holly play with the veggies.... but I am an enabler of bad habits...

Sarah said...

At 8 months I would have let Quinn play with veggies, too! But his appetite for destruction has grown with his age, size, and strength. he can literally destroy our entire house in 5 minutes.